Get Out Now
What’s taking so long?
I’ve had a change of heart. After backing
American efforts to defend our nation while bringing the sweet
taste of liberty around the world, I must admit: we failed. Once
again, we sent sons and daughters into harm's way, often without
proper training, and asked them to perform impossible missions.
I don’t even know the body count, although it’s high.
And the dollar cost? Sheesh. I’ve lost track.
Have we achieved victory? I’m having serious doubts. After
the brave sacrifices of our armed forces, I have yet to see the
native people embrace democracy. Where are the greetings of flowers
and open arms? Where is the freedom they were promised? Where
is the gratitude? Where are the results?
Frankly, I question the President’s decisions, especially
the intelligence failures, questionable tactics, and the immense
military blunders. And after years of waiting, have you seen an
exit strategy? I haven’t.
I used to think we should stay the course to victory. But now,
I think it’s time to pull out. All of our troops. Send ‘em
home.
That’s right. It is time for America to leave Germany.
And Belgium. And Spain. And France, the hygienically-challenged
nation of smarm, leading the world only in gall, rudeness and
cynicism. And while we’re at it, let’s pull out of
Japan, Italy and anywhere else the American military is unappreciated.
Besides, why are American forces in these nations? Didn’t
we win? Are we defending French cheese? German beer? Belgian chocolate?
And who wants a Hyundai, anyway? These nations won’t even
defend their own national treasures. Why should we?
But let’s reminisce about Germany. We gave over a half-million
American lives and casualties to defeat Hitler, a socialist dictator
(Nazi was the abbreviation for “National Socialist,”
in case your public school teachers never told you) who left 50
million dead. In fact, at the end of World War II, underground
Nazi die-hards led a bloody ten-year insurgency. American death
toll: over a thousand.
Undaunted, Americans gave billions to rebuild German cities,
never repaid. When the Soviets sealed off their cities, we flew
in planeloads of anything they needed. Now, in the middle of World
War IV (World War III, a.k.a. the Cold War, was won by Ronald
Reagan of course, despite angry German protests), Americans need
their support. Instead, they formed the aptly named “Axis
of Weasels,” nations who, when faced with the greatest historic
threat to freedom in a true world war, meekly capitulated. In
fact, they accepted Hussein’s outright bribery. Meanwhile,
German elections are usually won by whoever offers the most outrageous
anti-American vitriol.
Thanks a lot, losers.
So I say we get out of Germany. Now.
Then, should we pull out of Iraq? Hell no. We should stay there
and fight. Why? Because Iraqis have the perfect attitude about
freedom. They want us to help hunt down the vermin who are murdering
innocent civilians in a disgusting attempt to bring about a chaotic
mix of dictator thuggery and bloodthirsty Islamic fundamentalism.
Once they build forces and can deal with the problem themselves,
they want us to leave. Fine. At least they’ll actually fight
for their freedom, unlike the Germans. And that’s how it
should be.
Winston Churchill once noted that appeasement meant hoping the
alligator will eat you last. Thus, the future of Europe is laughably
obvious. This collection of ungrateful snots squandered their
freedom, heaped upon the shoals of socialism. In fact, they reverted
to the exact same selfish behavior that got them into endless
squabbles over the last century. Worse, they invited millions
of Arabs into their miserable welfare states to perform menial
tasks. Greeted with classic Euro-nationalist racism, contempt,
empty promises and a 40% unemployment rate, Arab ghettos are restless.
Last time I looked, European cities feature a new street light:
The Flaming Citroen.
So let the world’s whiners have their way. Grab your ankles!
Feed the alligators! I say we put together a timetable. Six months.
A year. Whatever. After all, we never had a “exit strategy”
for Germany. Or Japan, Or Korea. So here it is: See ya later!
And you know, we could probably balance the budget with the money
we save.
I wonder when the Bat-phone will ring. “Herr President,
in our time of need, we have a favor to ask. Could you send some
Americans to die for us?” This time, let the phone
ring. We’re too busy helping nations that actually give
a damn about themselves.
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