The World Freedom Tax

Egeland might be right

by Tom Adkins
01/01/05

The flood waters had barely subsided when United Nations Undersecretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs Jan Egeland dutifully snarled, in that classic Euro-snob Charles de Gaulle imitation only Europeans can muster, and fashionably declared the United States was “stingy” compared to the generous nations of the world.

Americans, wondered if it was true. Are we stingy? Maybe. Egeland points out that while the United States gives more money than any nation on Earth, we give less as a percentage of GDP than many nations. After all, his native Norway gives .92%, while we American scrooges pay a wretched .14%. See?

Well, I think it’s time to admit Jan Egeland is right. And I think it’s time we settled the score. From now on, Americans will pay 1% of our GDP towards true humanitarian needs throughout the world. Not 20 billion for Saddam Hussein’s palaces, like the UN did over the last decade. No, the United States will buck up 1% for actual world emergencies. But there’s one condition: every time the United States military gets called into some God-forsaken hell hole to free millions of people from oppressive dictators, the rest of the world has to foot the bill.

Call it a “World Freedom Tax.”

In the free world, militaries preserve freedom and liberate nations from evil oppression. So using Egeland’s GDP formula, let’s compare. The United States annually spends 4% of our GDP, about $400 billion, on our military. That’s certainly generous compared to the 2% world average. Egelands native Norway? Just $4 billion, only 1.9% of their GDP. France? 2.6%. Germany? 1.5%. Belgium? A mere 1%. Canada a paltry 1.1% All shamefully below the world average. When it comes to freedom, it seems as if the biggest world whiners are actually a bit, shall we say, stingy.

And nobody calls Norway or Canada to take out the bad guys. Americans always do the heavy lifting.

The reason these nations can donate more do-gooder money is because they refuse to pay for their own freedom. So from now on, every nation that doesn’t bother freeing oppressed nations from evil dictators has to fork up 4% of their GDP…and send it to the United States.

It makes sense. After all, the Norwegian military is about the size of the New York Jets, though they probably aren’t as tough. And the Jets have a better record. Remember, in World War II, Norway actually declared neutrality, just before the stormtroopers arrived. They wouldn’t even take a stand against Nazis!

Can you imagine the Jets not taking a stand against the Miami Dolphins?

And anytime a nation refuses to oust an evil dictator, they should be charged an extra 10% GDP “Wuss Penalty.” If their “apprehension” was based upon bribery, like the French and UN in the current Iraq war, they get slapped with a 20% “Corruption Tax.”

Of course, by convenience and apparent intent, Egeland misses the key points. He forgot the massive American food hand-outs, which dwarf all other donations on Earth. And certainly, most foreign aid lines pockets of various politicians, warlords and criminals (such as you find wandering the halls of the United Nations). Worse, these donations tend to keep evil dictators in power. And fundamentally, foreign aid delivers a fish without teaching anyone how to catch one.

But Egeland's most glaring omission is of greater sacrifice. Like most UN members, his native Norway isn’t willing to defend its own freedom. In essence, these whining bitchy nations depend on Americans to fork over our hard earned dollars and precious blood to keep their freedom alive. Sound fair? No. Especially if we measure by Egeland’s standards.

So, if a Humvee gets a flat tire, Namibia should pay $300 bucks. If an Abrams tank gets destroyed, France forks over $4.3 million. A lost plane? Germany should send the American treasury a check for $25 million.

But here’s the kicker. Every time a United States soldier enters a combat zone, the rest of the nations on Earth will send him a check for a million dollars a week. If that soldier dies, his family gets a World Freedom Tax check for $10 million. And a letter of gratitude.

So, I like Egeland’s thinking. And I think it’s time to settle up. Americans? Prepare to spend 1% of your GDP on worldwide disaster relief. The rest of the world? Prepare to spend 4% of your GDP to the United States for “freedom maintenance.”

Here’s the address: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Washington, DC.

Remember, 4%. It’s only fair. Ante up, you stingy wussies.

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