Second Hand Sexual Harassment

Butt-kissing of a different kind

In recent years, there’s been much talk about the effects of second hand smoke. Yet, little has been said about the effects of second hand sexual harassment. That is until last month when the California Supreme Court weighed in on the issue.

In this case, two female correctional employees claimed discrimination and harassment as a result of their boss’s multiple workplace affairs with other female employees. According to their complaint, while they were not directly harassed by their boss, they were indirectly harassed because he showed favoritism to his lovers.

The California Supreme Court has ruled that these women have a case, provided they can prove their allegations. From what I’ve read so far, this won’t be a problem. In fact, the allegations are so flattering to the defendant that he’ll probably testify on their behalf. After all, the plaintiffs are claiming that their boss was the player of the century. According to their complaint, he was openly carrying on affairs with three separate women simultaneously. That’s impressive! He isn’t going to deny achieving a feat that most men only dream of…every night.

In any event, the plaintiffs are claiming that the defendant’s lovers received special treatment in terms of promotions and perks. Duh! For what other reason would a woman sleep with her married boss? Can’t find a single man to treat her badly?

The plaintiffs say they’ve been the victims of sexual favoritism. And while they may be the first plaintiffs to be able to bring such a case, they certainly won’t be the last. In fact, I predict that this lawsuit will change the workplace as we know it.

Already, the threat of sexual harassment suits has changed the dynamics of the workplace. During the 1970s, the workplace was basically a disco without the strobe light. It wasn’t uncommon for a man to walk up to a female coworker and say, “Hey, baby! What’s your sign? Your cubicle or mine?”

All of that changed in the 90s. Sure, you could still use work as a place to “hook up,” but you had to be really careful about it. You had to make sure that the other person liked you too before making a move. As a result, nowadays people say things like, "Hypothetically speaking, if I were to say that I liked you, would you sue?”

Well, with the recognition of sexual favoritism, all of that has changed. Now, you can be sued by anyone in your department, including those people who are too ugly to even consider sleeping with. If this legal concept spreads to other states (and it will), managers will be forced into an all-or-nothing situation. In other words, they’ll either have to sleep with all of their subordinates or none of them, so that no one can claim sexual favoritism. Needless to say, this is going to make for some interesting holiday parties.

It’s also going to make for some interesting lawsuits. Before long, a straight man will sue his male boss for not grabbing his butt too. A lesbian will sue her male boss because…well, he’s a man.

And as a smoker, I say it’s about time. If second hand smoke can be blamed on everything from lung cancer to emphysema to global warming, then second hand sexual harassment should be treated the same way. After all, as the old saying goes, “What’s good for the goose is good for the philanderer.”

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Sean Carter is a lawyer, comedian, public speaker and the author of
If It Does Not Fit, Must You Acquit? – Your Humorous Guide to the Law.
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