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He Who Is Without Spam Shall File the First LawsuitGo and litigate no moreby Sean Carter America is in the midst of a litigation epidemic. Each year, Americans file more than 100 million lawsuits. Many of these lawsuits are as frivolous as ABC’s primetime line-up, only far more entertaining. In 21st century America, there is simply no insult or injury too trivial for litigation. Of course, it wasn’t always this way. In the not-so-distant past, most problems could be solved with an apology. For instance, if you bumped into someone, spilled your drink on them or shot them in the back during a hunting trip, a simple “My bad” would be the end of it. However, nowadays, you can be sued for stepping on someone’s foot. If you think I’m exaggerating, consider the case of Vernon Henley. Mr. Henley was an impoverished blind man who finally received the gift of a seeing-eye dog. Shortly after, he also received the gift of a lawsuit when he accidentally stepped on the foot of a woman in a shopping mall. Now, when most of us hear about stories like this, we say, “That’s a shame! People will sue over anything these days.” In fact, as I travel the country speaking about this problem, everyone seems to agree on two points: (1) there are too many frivolous lawsuits, and (2) I am even better looking in person than I am on the web. However, I’m starting to realize that many people are prone to lie. While it may be true that I’m absolutely gorgeous in person, most Americans don’t think there are too many frivolous lawsuits. They simply think there are too many frivolous lawsuits in which they are not the plaintiff. For instance, a woman approached me after one speech to tell me how much she agreed with my position. She then proceeded to ask me whether I thought she had a valid case against a school for “allowing” her to run into a tree while driving through its parking lot. According to her, “the tree seemed to come out of nowhere!” Unfortunately, this woman isn’t alone. In fact, she isn’t even in the minority. The sad truth is that most people don’t mind frivolous lawsuits at all; just so long as they are allowed to take part in them. Perhaps this desire for unearned compensation is behind the current wave of anti-spam legislation. Currently, several states are considering laws that would impose substantial fines against spammers. For instance, California is considering a bill that would allow internet users to sue e-mail marketers for $500 for each unsolicited e-mail. Needless to say, this bill enjoys widespread support. Now, like most Americans, I hate spam. And I’m not too crazy about unsolicited e-mails either. But the simple truth of the matter is that each piece of spam doesn’t cost me $500 to read. In fact, I read very little of the spam I receive. After all, it takes just a few seconds to determine whether a particular e-mail is spam. For instance, if the subject line reads, “Lose 30 pounds in 2 days,” then the e-mail is either spam or a list of my wife’s recipes. In either event, you simply delete the e-mail. If only my wife's "tuna surprise" would be so easy to delete from my stomach. Seriously, spam may be annoying but since when are you entitled to $500 for being annoyed? Each day, you put up with annoying people for FREE. In fact, we have a name for these people. They are called “co-workers.” However, as a matter of law, you shouldn’t be entitled to $500 each time a co-worker confuses your polite inquiry of “How’s it going?” with actual interest on your part. Besides, we are all spammers to some degree. For instance, if you forward bad jokes, chain letters or pictures of your children, you are guilty of spam. I know you may find this hard to believe but most of us could care less how much fun you had on your family trip to Disneyworld. Like you, we are just sad it’s over because we were so much more productive when you weren’t around to send those darn e-mails. The truth of the matter is that spam is a small price to pay for enjoying Al Gore’s greatest invention. Besides, the last thing America needs is another drain on its court resources from a barrage of spam lawsuits. Now, if you will excuse me, I just received an e-mail from some guy in Nigeria who will share $49 million with me if I help him transfer it out of the country. And who says that unsolicited e-mail isn’t a good thing? ________________________________ Sean is a practicing attorney who writes a weekly humor column on current legal events called "Lawpsided." Lawpsided pieces appear in a growing number of general circulation papers across the country, including The Los Angeles Times. Moreover, his musings on the law appear on nationally recognized websites, such as jewishworldreview.com, findlaw.com, newsmax.com and etherzone.com, and legal publications, such as The National Law Journal and The Los Angeles Daily Journal. Lastly, he is a regular contributor to national magazines like Razor and Tirade. If you would be interested in publishing this piece or seeing other samples of his work, please feel free to contact him by e-mail, by phone at (626) 786-2095, or through his website at: |