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Spread 'Em, Dano!Butt out!by Sean Carter Recently, I had the good fortune to coach my six-year-old son’s soccer team. Not only do I highly recommend this experience to everyone but I think it should be mandatory career training. This is particularly true for those involved in our legal system. Coaching youth soccer provides you with a sense of perspective. You learn that there are some things more important than winning and losing; like snack time and keeping little Timmy from eating dirt. This is a lesson that many people in the law have yet to learn. Take, for instance, the case of Danny Joe McGee. In December 1997, a police officer received an anonymous tip that McGee and two juveniles were selling crack cocaine at a particular location. Furthermore, the tipster indicated that McGee was selling the drugs from an inventory stashed in his rear end. The police immediately went to the scene to investigate. But why? Surely, McGee and his cohorts weren’t going to be in business very long. Think about it. Would you buy an orally-ingested product from someone with this unusual inventory management system? It was just a matter of time before the forces of supply and demand put McGee out of business anyway. In any event, when the police arrived at the scene, they found McGee and company smoking marijuana. They handcuffed the men and took them to a fire station, where they were ordered to strip, bend over, and “spread ‘em.” During this search, they found several rocks of crack lodged in between McGee’s buttocks. Before trial, McGee’s lawyer attempted to suppress this evidence. He argued that the search violated the Texas Code of Criminal Procedure. However, the trial judge disagreed and allowed the evidence to be admitted. Interestingly, for perhaps the first time in his entire life, McGee did the smart thing – he pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine. He was sentenced to just 90 days in prison. Considering that he was convicted in Texas, where you can get the death penalty for leaving the toilet seat up, this really should have been the end of the story. Unfortunately, McGee was represented by an attorney who apparently hasn’t coached youth soccer. As a result, the lawyer appealed the ruling. In June 2000, the appellate court ruled that the search was unreasonable and the evidence should have been suppressed. Of course, by that time, the issue was as moot as the U.N. Security Council because McGee had already served his sentence. Now, surely this would be the end of the story, right? Not a chance. Now, it was time for the Texas prosecutors to be unreasonable. They filed an appeal arguing that the search was legal because the police officer had “probable cause” to believe that McGee was spiriting drugs in his underwear. Last month, the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals agreed with the prosecution and ruled that the search was legal. As a result, McGee’s original sentence was sustained, despite the fact that he finished serving it six years ago. Now, McGee’s lawyer is considering appealing the case to the U.S. Supreme Court. After six years of this nonsense, it’s time for someone to be the voice of reason here. And, once again, that duty falls to yours truly. Therefore, to the parties involved in the case, let me make the following humble plea: GET A LIFE! Of course, some civil libertarians would argue that this case is important because it sets a bad precedent. As a result of this ruling, police can now conduct strip searches at random. Nothing but Scott Peterson’s alibi could be further from the truth. First of all, the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals simply ruled that, given the facts of this case, the police had probable cause to search for “crack crack.” However, this case was unusual, even by Texas standards. After all, the police received an anonymous tip informing them of the precise location of the drugs. This won’t always be the case. Second, a strip search was necessary because the drugs were small enough to be concealed in McGee’s buttocks. Obviously, police officers won’t be able to justify strip searches while looking for large quantities of drugs, assault rifles or stolen automobiles. After all, unless you are Jennifer Lopez, there is only so much contraband you can inconspicuously tuck away down there. In short, this case doesn’t have widespread implications. And since McGee has already served his time, everyone should move on to more important issues, like making sure that we pick the “true” American Idol. P.S. For the record, due to a rigorous pre-dawn workout regimen, our youth soccer team won the league championship. And perhaps more importantly, after a slight bout of ringworm, little Timmy seems to be cured of his dirt eating. Go Bullfrogs! ________________________________ Sean is a practicing attorney who writes a weekly humor column on current legal events called "Lawpsided." Lawpsided pieces appear in a growing number of general circulation papers across the country, including The Los Angeles Times. Moreover, his musings on the law appear on nationally recognized websites, such as jewishworldreview.com, findlaw.com, newsmax.com and etherzone.com, and legal publications, such as The National Law Journal and The Los Angeles Daily Journal. Lastly, he is a regular contributor to national magazines like Razor and Tirade. If you would be interested in publishing this piece or seeing other samples of his work, please feel free to contact him by e-mail, by phone at (626) 786-2095, or through his website at: |