It's Time for the ACLU to Evolve

They need to get ACLUE

by Sean Carter
11/16/04

President Bush’s dream of the country coming together after the election is about as realistic as my dream of Jennifer Aniston leaving Brad Pitt for me. In fact, my dream is more realistic because Aniston and Pitt have only been together for a few years. However, the great cultural divide between red and blue states has been going on for more than a century.

Even worse, much like the mold on Rosie O’Donnell’s exercise equipment, the gap seems to be growing. And while it would be comforting to blame the right’s strange obsession with men kissing, the left is equally responsible for the trouble.

Take, for instance, the ACLU’s recent attack against the Cobb County School District in Georgia. The ACLU sued the school district because it had the “audacity” to suggest that evolution is a scientific theory.

In 2002, the school district began pasting a sticker inside the front cover of its 10th grade biology books, reading “This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered.”

Now, perhaps my recent move to a red state has clouded my judgment on the matter but I think this sticker is the most intelligent thing to occur in the Georgia public schools since … since … ever. Evolution is not a fact. It’s a theory and just like any other scientific theory, it’s possibly wrong. In fact, it’s likely wrong.

Think about it. A millennium ago, the experts thought that the sun revolved around the earth. They were wrong. A little over 500 years ago, the experts thought that the earth was flat. They were wrong. Just last Monday, half of all Americans thought that a man with the personality and core principles of a lamp post would be elected to the highest office in the land. Boy, were we ever wrong!

Besides, we should encourage our youngsters to have an open mind, study carefully, and critically consider the subjects taught to them. What’s the alternative – to spoon feed their thoughts to them like they were President Bush during his first debate with Kerry?

The ACLU’s stance on this issue is simply irrational. It is based on the fear that this sticker is just the beginning of teaching creationism in public school. As far as the ACLU is concerned, the sticker might as well read: “Christ is Lord … and oh yeah, marriage is between a man and a woman. Vote Republican!”

Now, to be honest, I don’t doubt that Cobb County officials have a similar sticker in the works. However, for the time being, I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Now, if they start serving Holy Communion in the lunch room and offering water baptismal after gym class, the ACLU should feel free to sue Cobb County as if they were a tobacco company.

However, until then, the ACLU is being paranoid. In the process, it is demonstrating why many of us think the organization should be renamed “America’s Craziest Lawyers Unleashed.”

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Sean is a practicing attorney who writes a weekly humor column on current legal events called "Lawpsided." Lawpsided pieces appear in a growing number of general circulation papers across the country, including The Los Angeles Times. Moreover, his musings on the law appear on nationally recognized websites, such as jewishworldreview.com, findlaw.com, newsmax.com and etherzone.com, and legal publications, such as The National Law Journal and The Los Angeles Daily Journal. Lastly, he is a regular contributor to national magazines like Razor and Tirade. If you would be interested in publishing this piece or seeing other samples of his work, please feel free to contact him by e-mail, by phone at (626) 786-2095, or through his website at:

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