Warning: People Are Stupid

Legal chlorine for the gene pool

by Sean Carter
12/01/04

P. T. Barnum once said, “You’ll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.” And while truer words were never spoken, Mr. Barnum should have warned us about the converse of this statement. You will go very broke if you overestimate the intelligence of the American public.

Norfolk Southern Corporation is learning this lesson the hard way after being sued by a Pennsylvania woman, who was struck by a train while walking along railroad tracks. In her complaint, she claims …get this… the railroad should have warned her that trains travel along the tracks. And while this might be the dumbest argument to ever be made outside the halls of Congress, it might be effective in this case. The plaintiff’s lawyer is sure to argue that, with thousands of miles of unused railroad tracks crisscrossing this country, it wasn’t totally unreasonable for his client to assume that these tracks were inoperative as well.

Of course, to succeed, the lawyer will have to find twelve people completely devoid of common sense (i.e., a jury). Therefore, in the end, it’s likely that the plaintiff will collect millions in this case. In turn, the railroad will go out and spend additional millions to post the following sign every ten feet along its tracks:

Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined That Being Struck by a Train Can Be Hazardous to Your Health.

Now, this would be only mildly absurd if these signs would prevent future accidents. Yet, let’s face it. Anyone who doesn’t notice a mile-long train bearing down on them has no chance of noticing a 9”x12” sign. And even if they do notice the sign, it’s unlikely that this person can read.

However, despite the ineffectiveness of warning signs, they are everywhere. For example, when I moved to Arizona, I purchased a car window shade to prevent the dashboard of my car from melting whenever I parked for more than three minutes. On the inside of this shade, there was the following warning: “Remove shade before operating the vehicle.” When I first read this warning, I was offended. How stupid do they think we are?

Sadly, the answer is very stupid. And they’re right too. After all, this label probably only appeared after the manufacturer was sued for failing to warn that driving with a completely obstructed view was dangerous.

The sad truth is that companies are regularly held responsible for not protecting people from their own stupidity. This must stop. And I think I’ve fumbled across the solution – the evolution defense. In a nutshell, the evolution defense would allow a defendant to avoid liability if it can show that we, as a species, are better off now that the plaintiff is no longer able to reproduce. This defense would not only be a boon for beleaguered manufacturers but for society as well. We simply can’t afford for the gene pool to get any shallower, at least, without putting a warning label on the side of it that reads: “Shallow: No diving in head first.”

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Sean is a practicing attorney who writes a weekly humor column on current legal events called "Lawpsided." Lawpsided pieces appear in a growing number of general circulation papers across the country, including The Los Angeles Times. Moreover, his musings on the law appear on nationally recognized websites, such as jewishworldreview.com, findlaw.com, newsmax.com and etherzone.com, and legal publications, such as The National Law Journal and The Los Angeles Daily Journal. Lastly, he is a regular contributor to national magazines like Razor and Tirade. If you would be interested in publishing this piece or seeing other samples of his work, please feel free to contact him by e-mail, by phone at (626) 786-2095, or through his website at:

www.lawpsided.com