Living Vi-Kerry-ously

The run of Teddy's life

by Thomas Lindaman
04/16/04

If you've been paying attention to the news lately (and I know you have), you've probably seen Ted "Moby Dick" Kennedy popping up all over the place. One day he's at a John Kerry for President rally attacking President Bush about the loss of manufacturing jobs. The next, he's on the Senate floor claiming President Bush lied about the justification to go to war with Iraq. The next, he's on television attacking President Bush for his prescription drug plan, saying it was Bush catering to the pharmaceutical industry.

It's almost like Ted's running for President again. And in a way, he is.

When Ted Kennedy ran for President in 1980, he lost to Jimmy Carter, partially because Carter was the incumbent, but also in part because America was starting to lose its taste for Kennedy-esque liberalism. Not to mention, there were these small scandals involving his drinking, his sexual appetites, oh, and a little traffic accident in Chappaquiddick. So, his dreams of following in his brother's footsteps would have to be put on hold or halted altogether. After all, Marilyn Monroe was dead...

Flash forward to 2004 and John Kerry's Presidential run. By all accounts, Kerry is a hardcore Massachusetts liberal, and his voting record reflects that. And thusfar, he's done a good job in tapping into the "Anybody But Bush" mentality sweeping through Democrat ranks right now. Some polls even suggest Kerry could unseat Bush.

This is where Ted Kennedy comes back into the picture. Since Teddy can't win a Presidential election on his own, he seems to be running vicariously through Kerry. You can see this whenever he shows up at a Kerry rally. His passion, enthusiasm, and rhetoric energize the Democrats and help Kerry keep them on the reservation. And with Kerry's liberal record, Kennedy would be able to get everything he wanted to accomplish if he were a viable Presidential candidate done, and without lifting anything but a telephone in one hand and a big ole turkey leg in the other.

There is also the long-standing connection between the Kennedys and the Kerrys. A widely-distributed photo of a young John Kerry cavorting with the Kennedy clan on board a boat has made the rounds amongst conservatives and within some media outlets. In a way, Kerry is a member of Ted's extended family, and he didn't even have to go into rehab!

There's also a bit of desperation involved here. (But enough about Dennis Kucinich.) Does anyone remember the last Massachusetts liberal to run for President? For those of you who don't remember or who weren't born then, it was Michael Dukakis, who lost to Dubya's dad and his sidekick, Quayle the Boy Wonder. As weak as George H. W. Bush was as a candidate, to lose to him is a big black mark on the history of Massachusetts liberals. John Kerry may be one of the last chances they have to win, so Kennedy's trying his hardest to exorcize the memory of Dukakis.

Of course, there are problems with Kennedy's promotion of Kerry, that being the likelihood that the former overshadows the latter. Kerry may come second only to Al Gore on the boring Democrat list, but he's trying hard to be number one. Kennedy, on the other hand, is bombastic. Every time Teddy comes out to introduce Kerry, he steals the spotlight, leaving Kerry to pick up the pieces of the anti-climax. (Insert Bill Clinton reference here.)

Another problem related to this is the fact that more people know Ted Kennedy than know John Kerry. As time goes on, that is shifting somewhat, but it will take a while before Kerry takes the notoriety crown from the Kennedys. (My suggestion, Mr. Kerry: start drinking. A lot!) Even people who don't know much about American politics know of the Kennedy family from the Camelot years. Overcoming that is like trying to overcome a high school teacher who taught an older brother or sister and is now teaching you.

Finally, the big problem is that Kennedy doesn't attract the type of voter Kerry needs to win. Kerry needs the middle to win, but Kennedy is a fixture on the left. That means Kerry will have to strike a near-impossible balance, not too far to the left as to turn off moderates, not too far to the right to erode his voting base. The more he has to run back and forth, the less cohesive his platform will be. And, he might wear a hole in the Earth to boot!

Watching Ted Kennedy stump for John Kerry brings up a mixture of images, ranging from two Massachusetts liberals firing up the Democrats for the long campaign to come to a man hoping that a younger peer will surpass him and meet the goal he couldn't. Maybe third time's a charm, or maybe misery loves company, but whatever the motivation, there is one thing that is not in doubt.

Ted Kennedy needs Slim Fast, stat!

And that's the Bottom Line.