Conan the Constitutionalist?

Saying no to Ahnold

by Thomas Lindaman
12/01/04

In his speech before the 2004 Republican National Convention in New York City, California Governor and action film star Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke of his desire to be President someday. Ah, but that darn Constitutional provision stating that only natural born citizens can be President is in the way. So, that should be the end of the Governator’s dream to be President, right?

Nope. There are Republicans, such as Utah Senator Orrin Hatch, starting to talk about possibly changing the Constitution to waive that provision, leaving Ahnold free to run for President. Even former Secretary of State Madeline Albright has said it would be a good idea to allow foreigners to run for President, but only after they've met certain criteria, such as a minimum time spent in the country. (Thomas Lindaman Rule to Live By #37: Whenever a former Clinton Administration official thinks something is a good idea, give it careful consideration...after several drinks.) Some of you out there may even be backing this idea under the notion that it would be cool to have Schwarzenegger as President. And I can see why. Can you imagine Jacques Chirac talking smack about the Terminator? All Ahnold would have to do would be to stare at Chirac and he’d be on his knees, wetting himself and surrendering. (I mean, more than he already does.)

But the novelty of a Schwarzenegger Presidency isn’t a good enough reason to change the Constitution to allow it. I’m one of these crazy kids who thinks that the Constitution is pretty good the way it is and shouldn’t be changed unless there’s a darn good reason, such as if there is a deficiency that only an Amendment can cure. The Constitution has been around for over 200 years and only has a few minor changes to it in the form of Amendments. That’s a pretty good track record in my book.

But aside from my personal feelings, there’s another reason not to change the Constitution for Ahnold. Allowing him to run would enable other less savory characters of foreign descent to throw their hats into the ring and possibly win the Presidency. If you’re not convinced, I have five words for you: President Jean-Claude Van Damme. And you know that guy’s looking for work!

On a more serious note, though, there is a distinct possibility that we could lose our national sovereignty if we changed the Constitution. There are already people in this country who would be more than willing to hand over control of America to the United Nations because they don’t have the same commitment to excellence as we do. With the quick stroke of a pen and a vote in Congress and the states, we could open the door for Kofi Annan and the United Nations to swoop in and take over. And after that, you might as well kiss any hope of seeing a Constitution bye-bye because we are going on a long strange trip into oblivion.

Fortunately, there is one big check in place to at least cool the “Arnold for President” jets a bit. If an Amendment passes both the House and the Senate, it goes to the states for a vote. If 75% of them agree to it, then the Amendment is ratified. Otherwise, it goes to the Island of Misfit Legislative Measures, never to be heard from again…unless there’s an election going on.

Although there are a number of people who wouldn’t oppose the measure, let me try to reason with you for a moment. Aside from Ronald Reagan and Fred Thompson, actors as legislators hasn’t exactly been a winning proposal. Need I remind you that Gopher from “The Love Boat,” Cooter from “The Dukes of Hazzard,” and Sonny Bono have all served in our Congress? And can anyone name one thing that any of them did?

Nope, and the reason is because we can’t see them as anything but the television images we’ve seen for so long, so we don’t take them seriously. It would be like electing Bob Denver to be a Senator. We would fully expect to see someone dressed like the Skipper from “Gilligan’s Island” to come down and hit “Senator Gilligan” on the head with his hat during a speech. Or at the very least, have a lectern made out of bamboo and coconuts. (Not that I’ve given this much thought, mind you.) And let’s face it, Congress is a big enough joke as it is without adding an element of slapstick and cries of “Skipperrrrrrrrrrrr!”

So, I’d hold off on any Constitutional Amendments to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to run for President. I don’t think we’ve thought it through enough to act on it just yet. But take heart. If you want a larger than life hero-type who has trouble pronouncing English, there’s always George W. Bush.

And that’s the Bottom Line.

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