The Ministry of Happy Thoughts

… is open for business

by Patrick J. Shanahan
03/16/05

On April 1, 2005 a complete ban on smoking on indoor businesses - including bars - will go into effect in Hennepin (Minneapolis) and Ramsey (St. Paul) counties in Minnesota. This is probably not that unusual in this day and age. Not much has changed since a century ago when the same sort of goody two-shoes do-gooders were pushing alcohol prohibition. I am always stunned by how few people care in any way about the proper limits of government. The great majority of voters are incapable of thinking beyond whether they agree or disagree with a given proposal. They cannot, or choose not to, care whether it is a proper or good thing for government to do.

So now the free will and desires of bar owners and bar patrons are irrelevant, because a few County Commissioners don't like the smoke when they go to their neighborhood establishment for a glass of chablis.

Although I was a user of fine combustible American tobacco products for 27 years, I smoke no more. So in a sense I have no compelling interest in the policy side of this debate. But as a citizen of Minnesota I care about it deeply. There is a scary confluence of leftist activism and soccer-mom boosterism on issues like this that do not bode well for local democracy, and which irritate the heck out of the libertarian in me.

But the scariest part of the whole thing just may be the propaganda campaign that has been rolled out to support the law's implementation. I am sure it is bankrolled under the "education" portion of the budget, but it is pure propaganda. One can hear it played frequently on the sorts of radio stations one would expect bar-going smokers to listen to (e.g. classic rock stations and headbanger rock stations). It is in the form of a 1950s sort of commercial jingle - deliberately playing up the cheerful camp. "Fressshhhhh Air, we're talking about Fresssssshhhhh Air" chirp the jingle gals. Followed by a Don Pardo-esque announcer proclaiming the glories of fresh air under the new law. Why, we'll be able to breathe clean, fresh air anywhere we go!

It is said that Irish diplomacy is the art of telling a fellow to go to hell in such a way as to make him look forward to the trip. This ad is a clumsy and completely ineffective effort to do just that. This ad says "Look, on 4/1 you will no longer be able to do one of your very favorite things - have a smoke with your cold beer on a Friday night. But that's okay, because we are waaaaay smarter than you, and we know it is bad for you. And we are also much smarter than the rest of the bar patrons. We know they are much too stupid to stay out of smoky bars if they don't like smoke. So we are going to help you all out by banning smoking. And then we are going to rub it in your face by spending taxpayers' money to convince you that you are actually happy about the change."

It's not enough that the smokers grumpily accept it. They have to like it. They need to whistle cheerful jingles as they venture outside between liver-shredding gin & tonics to stand shivering in freezing cold Minnesota winters smoking on the sidewalks. And then they need to whistle another as they head back into the clean, fresh air of the bar to drink some more.

Like an ancient and murky monster in a Lord of the Rings movie, the Ministry of Happy Thoughts is astride the land in Minnesota. Nothing is safe. We must all be indescribably perky in our moderate Nordic asceticism. We must thank the state and the Minnesota Medical Association for saving us from out own tobacco smoke. Putting a happy face on petty tyranny is the oldest trick in the book.

I readily admit that I spend a lot of time being bothered by things that most people don't consider a big deal. This may be one of them. But the habits of government, and the relationship between the governing and the governed are formed through the "small" things more than the large ones. This "you'll take it and you'll like it" attitude is emblematic of a government that is arrogant, vain and power-hungry. It is government by annoying, nagging neighbors.

I'm thinking that's not what the American Revolution was all about.