A Few Things

Tell us how you really feel, Larry!

What follows are a few things I believe:

- Funny noises coming from the vicinity of your car’s transmission can be silenced only by massive expenditures of money.

- About the only thing I’m getting out of all of the televised debates is that most candidates will provide a direct answer to a question on about the same day as ice skates go on sale in hell. In studying history, I believe this has always been true.

- Bush. Clinton. Clinton. Bush. Bush. Clinton (maybe). Clinton (heaven help us). This troubles me and, somehow, I don’t think it's what the Founding Fathers had in mind. Too, in a nation of 300 million people or so, I’m fairly sure we could – without too much trouble - come up with a few other people capable of running the show every bit as badly as they have or will.

- People who text message while driving should have a designated lane all their own. That would be the one wherein fully loaded 18-wheelers are traveling in the opposite direction at 100 miles-per-hour. I think such a lane might be the only thing capable of bringing the text-messagers’ focus back to the task at hand – driving.

- Hands down, the best smell on earth is freshly baked bread. Doesn’t taste half bad, either.

- We should just, in the name of decorum and good taste, knock off all of the "E.D." commercials.

- No political campaign of any kind should be allowed to begin more than 60 days prior to the election. The penalty for ignoring this would be having any offenders sit through all of the French entries to any foreign film festival.

- If you can see the bottom of a full cup of coffee, (A) It isn’t really coffee; and (B) It’s not worth drinking.

- We need to start paying attention to all of the side effects they mumble about at the end of the commercials for the drugs they’re pushing on television nowadays. Since when is "danger of stroke" a side effect? If that’s a possible side effect, what’s the benefit? A heart attack?

- The shortest measurable interval of time on earth is the period between stubbing your toe while walking barefooted to the bathroom at night and shouting the expletive that wakes up your wife.

- The CEOs of all major airlines should be required to make a cross-country flight (in coach, mind you) at least once every month. Such a trip would include every step from booking the flight, driving themselves to the airport, getting bumped from the flight, re-booking, getting through security, having their departure delayed, missing connections, waiting for lost luggage, and praying that someone, somewhere is really trying to do something to improve things.

- The likes of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears seem set low standards for themselves and then consistently fail to achieve them.

- Giving weird answers to telephone poll questions is just plain fun. If enough of us did it, it’d put an end to polls and keep the politicians guessing – which is exactly as it should be. Might even make one or two of them decide to do something radical like telling us exactly what they believed.

- Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton just plain drive me nuts.

- The mellowest sound on earth is a mother humming to her baby.

- Gas stations that don't have signs telling you the price of gas are always more expensive than those that do.

- The most overblown thing on earth is the halftime show at the Super Bowl.

- On a related note, What the world doesn’t need is another variation of the Star Spangled Banner before a sporting event. Just sing it the way it’s supposed to be sung, please.

- Reality shows aren’t.

- "She Wore A Yellow Ribbon" is still the best western ever made.

- Any smell that’s coming from under your house will only get worse with time. Dealing with what’s causing it pretty much follows that same path too.

- If you want a surefire way to make wars tough to get into, make it a law that every elected official’s oldest son or daughter (once they are of age) has to serve in a frontline combat unit for the entire time that they remain in office. We might not even need term limits were that law in place.

I’m quitting now before I get into any more trouble.

Archives of "A Casual Observer"

Send an e mail to Larry Simoneaux